Out of Control

Where did the belief come from that we need to discipline our children if they are to grow up into individuals who are well adjusted and who make something of their lives? Out of Control reveals how the very discipline we impose to control behavior is in reality a major cause of bad behavior, disrespect for adults, and dysfunction such as bullying, hostility toward family and society, drugs, alcoholism, and teen suicide. Dr Tsabary asserts that to parent effectively requires us to develop a deep connection with our children, so that we address the feelings that drive a child's behavior instead of punishing. "When we tackle the reason for the behavior," says Dr Tsabary, "it automatically changes." Far from a laissez-faire, "anything goes" approach, Dr Tsabary advocates for a high level of parental resolve that majors not in control, but in helping a child develop a sense of personal responsibility. Authentic connection, in which children can be real with their parents, leads to a home in which self-discipline prevails-- both for the child and the parent. The need to "impose our will" on our children evaporates, leading to respect, ownership of one's life, and a strong character marked by a resilience that flows naturally from within.