Unlucky Charms

Have You Seen me? Name: Scottish Play Doe Age: 11 Last seen with twins Erno and Emily, their gargantuan housekeeper, Biggs, and an accountant named Merle Lynn who claims to be a scientist from the future or something, "Scott" is suffering from a sick delusion that your beloved Goodco Cereal Company is secretly run by a fairy named Nimue with a sinister plot to take over the world. That Goodco is selling cereals with NEW! Intellijuice in order to turn kids into a kind of zombie army, if you can believe this. That Goodco has kidnapped the Queen of England and replaced her with two goblins in a queen suit. Have you ever heard anything so crazy--seriously, we're asking. We at Goodco are not angry. We want only to see Scott get the help he needs before he hurts himself. Or gets hurt. Sightings of Scott with a two-foot-tall leprechaun named Mick are of course ridiculous and should be reported immediately to Goodco. --Kirkus Reviews